Who's Running Your Town?
by Ven
For a good day out the locals
Get a five fingered discount at the shopping centre.
Do their accounts
Visit some ruins
Have a competition for the best gardens.
Fly off to the Moon
Go to a music festival.
Stay in and get on with some DIY.
Your cup of tea (if not actually flavoured with curry or vinegar) is
Served by your minion
Tansy, mint or some other kind of herb
In a thick cup which wasn't washed properly
From a matter converter
Served from a proper teapot into tiny little cups
In a musical mug
Tea? I swear I put it down right here?
Your nearest pub is
A place you can buy anything
Dated from the 1400s
Has sawdust on the floor
A tarted up student venue
Used to be a bank
A wine bar
Known for hosting local bands
The locals like to wear
Big boots and boiler suits
Black
Bright colours in flowing materials
Uniforms
White
Something out of Star Wars
Starched ruffs
Local schools are
Sponsored by business
Traditional grammar founded by Edward VI.
Specialising in IT
Private
Depopulated by truancy
Rough
Religious
Your neighbour
Doesn't live close
is an electricity substation
Likes to play their music loud
Borrows your stuff and never returns it.
Keeps their hedges trimmed and their lawns mowed.
Always has the latest stuff
Has more cars in the front garden than you do
Vehicles seen driving down your street are
4 wheel drives
Sporty
Ice cream vans
Untaxed, or, if taxed, rather hot
Horse drawn
Those pesky UFOs again
White vans
The roads are:
Superhighways
Twisty, with confusing alleys
Bright with posters and billboards
Potholed and muddy
Always being dug up for something or nothing
Freshly marked and signposted
Clogged up by the school run
The area in which you live is
A place of rural solitude
The inner city
In the commercial district
A loft in a lively city centre
Infested with old cars and fridges
A leafy suburb
A building site
Public transport is
Late
Underground
Not necessary here
Profitable
Dangerous
Free buses to the local supermarkets
A computerised light railway
The appropiate school of criticism is
Someone else's
Postmodern
Comparative mythology
Freudian
Traditional
Cost benefit analysis
Structuralist
What wakes you up in the morning
Church bells
Bills landing on the mat.
Shrieking schoolchildren going by
Your alarm clock at exactly the same time every day.
Diggers and drills
Sirens and gunshots (actually it's still the middle of the night).
The crack of dawn.
What keeps you awake at night
Nothing, it's so peaceful
Waiting for the knock on the door
Next door's party -- especially when you have an invite.
Worrying whether the door is unlocked
The size of your overdraft
UFOs
Funny noises in the pipes
The local park has
A preservation order
A band stand and a funfair
More "keep off the grass" signs than swings
A scruffy bit of grass between the council depot and the ringroad
A lot of students
Spectacular lighting
A bad reputation after dark
Your house is
Mock tudor
A flat above a shop
Made of glass and steel
Where no one else wants to live
A converted vicarage
A squat
A working farm
The local shops are
Protected by grilles
Within driving distance
Hardware stores
Online
A market
Fast food joints and building societies
A supermarket that sells everything from radishes to records