Who's Running Your Town?
by Ven
What wakes you up in the morning
Shrieking schoolchildren going by
Church bells
Diggers and drills
Your alarm clock at exactly the same time every day.
The crack of dawn.
Sirens and gunshots (actually it's still the middle of the night).
Bills landing on the mat.
The appropiate school of criticism is
Someone else's
Cost benefit analysis
Postmodern
Traditional
Comparative mythology
Freudian
Structuralist
Your cup of tea (if not actually flavoured with curry or vinegar) is
In a musical mug
Tea? I swear I put it down right here?
Served by your minion
Served from a proper teapot into tiny little cups
From a matter converter
Tansy, mint or some other kind of herb
In a thick cup which wasn't washed properly
What keeps you awake at night
Worrying whether the door is unlocked
UFOs
The size of your overdraft
Funny noises in the pipes
Waiting for the knock on the door
Nothing, it's so peaceful
Next door's party -- especially when you have an invite.
Your nearest pub is
Dated from the 1400s
Known for hosting local bands
A place you can buy anything
A tarted up student venue
A wine bar
Has sawdust on the floor
Used to be a bank
The local park has
A band stand and a funfair
A scruffy bit of grass between the council depot and the ringroad
A preservation order
Spectacular lighting
More "keep off the grass" signs than swings
A bad reputation after dark
A lot of students
Vehicles seen driving down your street are
4 wheel drives
Horse drawn
Ice cream vans
Sporty
White vans
Those pesky UFOs again
Untaxed, or, if taxed, rather hot
The locals like to wear
Black
Big boots and boiler suits
Uniforms
Starched ruffs
Bright colours in flowing materials
Something out of Star Wars
White
Local schools are
Religious
Depopulated by truancy
Rough
Specialising in IT
Private
Sponsored by business
Traditional grammar founded by Edward VI.
The roads are:
Twisty, with confusing alleys
Superhighways
Potholed and muddy
Freshly marked and signposted
Bright with posters and billboards
Clogged up by the school run
Always being dug up for something or nothing
Your neighbour
Has more cars in the front garden than you do
Likes to play their music loud
is an electricity substation
Always has the latest stuff
Keeps their hedges trimmed and their lawns mowed.
Borrows your stuff and never returns it.
Doesn't live close
For a good day out the locals
Fly off to the Moon
Go to a music festival.
Stay in and get on with some DIY.
Get a five fingered discount at the shopping centre.
Have a competition for the best gardens.
Do their accounts
Visit some ruins
Public transport is
Underground
Not necessary here
Late
Free buses to the local supermarkets
Dangerous
A computerised light railway
Profitable
Your house is
Where no one else wants to live
A squat
A converted vicarage
A working farm
Mock tudor
Made of glass and steel
A flat above a shop
The local shops are
A supermarket that sells everything from radishes to records
Fast food joints and building societies
Protected by grilles
A market
Online
Hardware stores
Within driving distance
The area in which you live is
A loft in a lively city centre
Infested with old cars and fridges
The inner city
A leafy suburb
In the commercial district
A place of rural solitude
A building site