Who's Running Your Town?
by Ven
Your cup of tea (if not actually flavoured with curry or vinegar) is
In a thick cup which wasn't washed properly
Tea? I swear I put it down right here?
Served from a proper teapot into tiny little cups
Tansy, mint or some other kind of herb
In a musical mug
From a matter converter
Served by your minion
The roads are:
Freshly marked and signposted
Clogged up by the school run
Bright with posters and billboards
Superhighways
Twisty, with confusing alleys
Potholed and muddy
Always being dug up for something or nothing
Vehicles seen driving down your street are
White vans
Untaxed, or, if taxed, rather hot
Horse drawn
4 wheel drives
Those pesky UFOs again
Sporty
Ice cream vans
What keeps you awake at night
The size of your overdraft
Funny noises in the pipes
Next door's party -- especially when you have an invite.
UFOs
Nothing, it's so peaceful
Waiting for the knock on the door
Worrying whether the door is unlocked
The locals like to wear
White
Something out of Star Wars
Starched ruffs
Bright colours in flowing materials
Uniforms
Black
Big boots and boiler suits
The area in which you live is
A leafy suburb
A building site
A place of rural solitude
The inner city
Infested with old cars and fridges
In the commercial district
A loft in a lively city centre
For a good day out the locals
Get a five fingered discount at the shopping centre.
Have a competition for the best gardens.
Fly off to the Moon
Stay in and get on with some DIY.
Visit some ruins
Go to a music festival.
Do their accounts
Your neighbour
Keeps their hedges trimmed and their lawns mowed.
Always has the latest stuff
is an electricity substation
Borrows your stuff and never returns it.
Doesn't live close
Has more cars in the front garden than you do
Likes to play their music loud
The appropiate school of criticism is
Structuralist
Comparative mythology
Traditional
Someone else's
Cost benefit analysis
Postmodern
Freudian
Public transport is
Late
Free buses to the local supermarkets
Not necessary here
A computerised light railway
Dangerous
Underground
Profitable
Your nearest pub is
Used to be a bank
A tarted up student venue
A place you can buy anything
A wine bar
Known for hosting local bands
Dated from the 1400s
Has sawdust on the floor
What wakes you up in the morning
Bills landing on the mat.
Sirens and gunshots (actually it's still the middle of the night).
Church bells
Diggers and drills
The crack of dawn.
Shrieking schoolchildren going by
Your alarm clock at exactly the same time every day.
Local schools are
Sponsored by business
Traditional grammar founded by Edward VI.
Rough
Private
Religious
Depopulated by truancy
Specialising in IT
Your house is
A squat
A working farm
Where no one else wants to live
A flat above a shop
A converted vicarage
Mock tudor
Made of glass and steel
The local park has
A bad reputation after dark
A lot of students
A scruffy bit of grass between the council depot and the ringroad
More "keep off the grass" signs than swings
A band stand and a funfair
A preservation order
Spectacular lighting
The local shops are
Online
A supermarket that sells everything from radishes to records
Hardware stores
Within driving distance
Protected by grilles
Fast food joints and building societies
A market