McDonnell Douglas Military Aircraft Client Survey

[Izzy <ij_von@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

	I thought you might enjoy this one....

Subject:  McDonnell Douglas Military Aircraft Client Survey




   This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website,
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it
down immediately

			Client Survey

   Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment; please take a few moments to fill
out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr.
   [_] Mrs.
   [_] Ms.
   [_] Miss
   [_] Lt.
   [_] Gen.
   [_] Comrade
   [_] Classified
   [_] Other

   First Name: ......................................................
   Initial: ........
   Last Name......................................................
   Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
   Code Name:......................................................
   Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ............

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
   [_] F-14 Tomcat
   [_] F-15 Eagle
   [_] F-16 Falcon
   [_] F-117A Stealth
   [_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ........ /....... /......

4. Serial Number: ................................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
   [_] Received as gift / aid package
   [_] Catalogue / showroom
   [_] Independent arms broker
   [_] Mail order
   [_] Discount store
   [_] Government surplus
   [_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
   [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
   [_] Store display
   [_] Espionage
   [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
   [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
   [_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three- (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
   [_] Style / appearance
   [_] Speed / maneuverability
   [_] Price / value
   [_] Comfort / convenience
   [_] Kickback / bribe
   [_] Recommended by salesperson
   [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
   [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
   [_] Backroom politics
   [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
   [_] North America
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Aircraft carrier
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Europe
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
   [_] Panama
   [_] Africa
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Asia / Far East
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Misc. Third World countries
   [_] Iraq
   [_] Classified
   [_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
   [_] Color TV
   [_] VCR
   [_] ICBM
   [_] Killer Satellite
   [_] CD Player
   [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
   [_] Space Shuttle
   [_] Home Computer
   [_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
   (Indicate all that apply:)
   [_] Communist / Socialist
   [_] Terrorist
   [_] Crazed
   [_] Nice Person
   [_] Democratic
   [_] Dictatorship
   [_] Corrupt
   [_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
   [_] Deficit spending
   [_] Cash
   [_] Suitcases of cocaine
   [_] Oil revenues
   [_] Personal check
   [_] Credit card
   [_] Ransom money
   [_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
   [_] Homemaker
   [_] Sales / marketing
   [_] Revolutionary
   [_] Clerical
   [_] Mercenary
   [_] Tyrant
   [_] Middle management
   [_] Eccentric billionaire
   [_] Defense Minister / General
   [_] Retired
   [_] Work At Post Office

   Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist
groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey,
you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our War Not Peace
Sweepstakes!

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