This page is a collection of links to items usable as LARTs, in some cases seemingly designed as such.
Let us start with sharp steel. There is a wide range of such items available, starting with the well-known Swiss Army Knife. However, the true techie will probably prefer the Leatherman Tool, especially since there's now a 1/4" hex socket driver available for it.
Less conventional steel can be found at Atlanta Cutlery; I commend especially to your attention the sword umbrella.
If steel-based measures are not sufficient, consider a small butane torch; no fuss about wind, rain, changing flints or gravity, just fire it up and burn.
Of course, even this may not deter the truly clueless luser. For such people, consider the fine products of Colt Firearms, or if these are unavailable to you, try Kalashnikov. For Russian guns in general, check the splendidly-named guns.ru site.
And the moral of this page? Think really, really carefully before you call the helpdesk. The life you save may be your own.
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